To all the women in the world,
All the best on your day. Conquer. Make. Live. Prosper.
Happy Women's Day
Then and Now
on Sunday, August 10, 2014
Once upon a time, I used to think I can conquer the world, to change it and make it to something I wish it to be. I was so confident then, knowing that the world is something I can conquer. I was so young then, so naive. But then I had to grow up as fast as I could, I had a daughter. A special gift sent from heaven, my own piece of humble pie.
It was as if God was telling me to slow down and appreciate things more, for what they are and the inherent joy that they bring. As I see people from my generation conquering their own little worlds, making the most of their youth and enjoying the finances and the personal successes they achieve, I feel a sense of envy. That feeling that I still have when I see people having more material things than the little that I have now...
It seems so sad and disappointing that my personal plans of starting a business right out of college and becoming the entrepreneur that I aspired to be, has now become a faraway dream that seems to be lost in the midst of all my responsibilities.
Alas, these things never really mattered to me after I had her...
What I have now, the feelings deep inside me, the silence that has engulfed me emanates from one hidden corner in my heart... I am in a state of lamentation... even as I profess my undying love and acceptance for my little angel, the truth manifests otherwise. To say that I am sad may never measure to the darkness I feel inside my soul... for I know that my little angel, the one that I have loved and still love will sooner leave me and break my heart, break my soul and will join God in heaven too early and too soon...
I have had this period of mourning for quite some time, I have lost my sense of self due to the circumstances of her life... I was once confident, my self esteem as high as it could be, I was so sure and self-possessed. In college, I spoke my mind and expressed all the zeal and passion that I know was right and believed in.
And then she came, I cried inside when we knew. When we found out, my eternal winter began... my sorrow lives everyday... But of course, this was not to be. Nobody should know, I should smile. Make everyone believe that I was strong, but I wasn't. Not really.
At the office, I soon began to lose my voice; I just went with the flow and did what I was supposed to do. I stopped myself from asserting what I thought should be done... I was in stasis. In life, I surrendered everything to God, I prayed each night, I tried to attend daily mass... but my sadness resonated, it prospered and engulfed me... I am lost...
I may never find the person that I was but I try my best to be the father that my two angels need... but deep inside they will never know that my heart is broken... broken by the fact that my little Sophie is God's imperfect angel...
Yet we survive, life goes on and it would not stop for me. I find happiness in them but I pray... I pray really hard that my God, the one I prayed to each night, would protect both my angels and especially the older one with the most need. I love them both and I am trying my very best to be the most that I can be...
It was as if God was telling me to slow down and appreciate things more, for what they are and the inherent joy that they bring. As I see people from my generation conquering their own little worlds, making the most of their youth and enjoying the finances and the personal successes they achieve, I feel a sense of envy. That feeling that I still have when I see people having more material things than the little that I have now...
It seems so sad and disappointing that my personal plans of starting a business right out of college and becoming the entrepreneur that I aspired to be, has now become a faraway dream that seems to be lost in the midst of all my responsibilities.
Alas, these things never really mattered to me after I had her...
What I have now, the feelings deep inside me, the silence that has engulfed me emanates from one hidden corner in my heart... I am in a state of lamentation... even as I profess my undying love and acceptance for my little angel, the truth manifests otherwise. To say that I am sad may never measure to the darkness I feel inside my soul... for I know that my little angel, the one that I have loved and still love will sooner leave me and break my heart, break my soul and will join God in heaven too early and too soon...
I have had this period of mourning for quite some time, I have lost my sense of self due to the circumstances of her life... I was once confident, my self esteem as high as it could be, I was so sure and self-possessed. In college, I spoke my mind and expressed all the zeal and passion that I know was right and believed in.
And then she came, I cried inside when we knew. When we found out, my eternal winter began... my sorrow lives everyday... But of course, this was not to be. Nobody should know, I should smile. Make everyone believe that I was strong, but I wasn't. Not really.
At the office, I soon began to lose my voice; I just went with the flow and did what I was supposed to do. I stopped myself from asserting what I thought should be done... I was in stasis. In life, I surrendered everything to God, I prayed each night, I tried to attend daily mass... but my sadness resonated, it prospered and engulfed me... I am lost...
I may never find the person that I was but I try my best to be the father that my two angels need... but deep inside they will never know that my heart is broken... broken by the fact that my little Sophie is God's imperfect angel...
Yet we survive, life goes on and it would not stop for me. I find happiness in them but I pray... I pray really hard that my God, the one I prayed to each night, would protect both my angels and especially the older one with the most need. I love them both and I am trying my very best to be the most that I can be...
You, Lord, reign forever; your throne endures from generation to generation. Why do you always forget us? Why do you forsake us so long? Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return; renew our days as of old unless you have utterly rejected us and are angry with us beyond measure.(Lamentations 5:19-22)
Kids in Action
on Sunday, April 6, 2014
You really cannot describe how it feels to be a parent, to be a dad exact! It just brings a certain kind of happiness that you never have to explain or sometimes you can't even explain. Looking at my kids in action brings so much joy to my heart.
Just wanted to share how big they've become, something to look back to when they've grown up and are no longer my little angels. [^_^]
Just wanted to share how big they've become, something to look back to when they've grown up and are no longer my little angels. [^_^]
Riding the Ferris Wheel
Chasing the Pigeons at Venice Piazza
Some random moments at home
Happy New Year!
on Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Time sure does fly, I can't believe that it's already 2014. One year went by so fast, it's as if you blink and then when you open your eyes everything seems to have passed and it's the New Year.
As they say, the New Year brings new possibilities, so it's a fresh start for everyone. But then again, anyone can always start fresh anytime of the year.
Anyway, all I wanted to say was Happy New Year to all and let the promise of this year be realized for everyone, a promise of prosperity and bountiful blessings!
[^_^]
As they say, the New Year brings new possibilities, so it's a fresh start for everyone. But then again, anyone can always start fresh anytime of the year.
Anyway, all I wanted to say was Happy New Year to all and let the promise of this year be realized for everyone, a promise of prosperity and bountiful blessings!
[^_^]
Moving forward...
on Saturday, November 30, 2013
Life seems to be in a constant flat line, moving forward means taking on new things. With everything that is happening around me, new directions could be taken and different perspectives may be considered. This journey that we call life, has always been entrenched in discovering the unknown and defining what could be. In a few weeks' time, a new year beckons and with it new opportunities, I hope that it would usher things that would make me grow as a person.
I am looking forward to these new challenges and I hope that with God's good graces I will move forward with my head held up high.
I am looking forward to these new challenges and I hope that with God's good graces I will move forward with my head held up high.
Of stones and moss...
on Sunday, August 18, 2013
A rolling stone gathers no moss...
Something to ponder on, being young makes you feel like you can do anything and be everywhere... Sometimes you just have to sit still and persist and not change decisions after awhile...
I have always viewed myself as a kindred soul, that's probably why I was never comfortable anywhere but as I grow older I realized that you have to stick to and hold on what you believe in even though things are not perfect.
For now, I am happy where my life is at and have convinced myself to stop searching and wandering.
Something to ponder on, being young makes you feel like you can do anything and be everywhere... Sometimes you just have to sit still and persist and not change decisions after awhile...
I have always viewed myself as a kindred soul, that's probably why I was never comfortable anywhere but as I grow older I realized that you have to stick to and hold on what you believe in even though things are not perfect.
For now, I am happy where my life is at and have convinced myself to stop searching and wandering.
Quiet time.
on Tuesday, July 30, 2013
For the longest time, I have always been looking for something missing in my life; always wanting to change and seek something new. But for some weird reason, I think I have found peace in where I am right now, I have accepted that there are things that cannot be changed, that institutions are never perfect and that people no matter how well intentioned they are will most definitely be less than the expectations you placed on them.
It really is true, if you want to live a happy life lower your expectations. The sooner one accepts this tenet the happier they will be; perhaps it's because I'm getting older or maybe just tired of all the running around and chasing my dreams, that I have finally come to terms with my expectations and realize that living my life should be just about that.
Living life is one heck of a ride, and I think I have found the perfect speed to drive through it :-)
It really is true, if you want to live a happy life lower your expectations. The sooner one accepts this tenet the happier they will be; perhaps it's because I'm getting older or maybe just tired of all the running around and chasing my dreams, that I have finally come to terms with my expectations and realize that living my life should be just about that.
Living life is one heck of a ride, and I think I have found the perfect speed to drive through it :-)
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