For the longest time, I have always been looking for something missing in my life; always wanting to change and seek something new. But for some weird reason, I think I have found peace in where I am right now, I have accepted that there are things that cannot be changed, that institutions are never perfect and that people no matter how well intentioned they are will most definitely be less than the expectations you placed on them.
It really is true, if you want to live a happy life lower your expectations. The sooner one accepts this tenet the happier they will be; perhaps it's because I'm getting older or maybe just tired of all the running around and chasing my dreams, that I have finally come to terms with my expectations and realize that living my life should be just about that.
Living life is one heck of a ride, and I think I have found the perfect speed to drive through it :-)
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Virus pool.
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Everyone's sick at home, my sister has hand, foot and mouth disease and Sophie has sore eyes. I feel like I'm going down with the flu... *sigh* only Ellie and the Mrs are virus free, so far... hopefully it will remain that way...
Sophie is also showing signs of HFMD, it's highly contagious so, expect that either me or mrs would be infected since we're the ones taking care of her... I pray that this will all go away soon...
Sophie is also showing signs of HFMD, it's highly contagious so, expect that either me or mrs would be infected since we're the ones taking care of her... I pray that this will all go away soon...
Weekend!
on Friday, February 1, 2013
Finally the week is over. It was one tiring week, looking forward to free time with my kids and family. Nothing beats Saturday lunch, perfect timing to bond with my children; it seems like time flies really fast and I only wish that I can spend more time with them.
Weekends also mean time to go out with my wife and discover places to eat or to wander around, it's really relaxing for me as I can see other scenery, much different from what I am used to at work. I think I'll try to go out of Manila this weekend, Laguna or Bulacan would be good or even Rizal, which is quite near. Will start to google soon for places to visit and see.
Weekends also mean time to go out with my wife and discover places to eat or to wander around, it's really relaxing for me as I can see other scenery, much different from what I am used to at work. I think I'll try to go out of Manila this weekend, Laguna or Bulacan would be good or even Rizal, which is quite near. Will start to google soon for places to visit and see.
Changes?
on Thursday, January 31, 2013
As one of my innate character traits, I have once again come to a point where I am not sure whether I will continue on with the organization I am working for. I think I have a defined expiry date of one year, but I was thinking... when will I ever be content with what I have? I think I really need to think things through especially now that the office where I work provides a certain level of stability. Maybe I should convince myself to learn to like my job.
At the same time, I think that I still have time to search for whatever it is I want in life since I am still relatively young; perhaps its time for me to go back to school... who knows? I don't.
Anyway, this is just one of those random things that came through my consciousness while I toil away at the office hehehe :-)
At the same time, I think that I still have time to search for whatever it is I want in life since I am still relatively young; perhaps its time for me to go back to school... who knows? I don't.
Anyway, this is just one of those random things that came through my consciousness while I toil away at the office hehehe :-)
Introducing... Little Miss Sunshine
on Wednesday, January 30, 2013
So, I haven't updated this supposedly online journal of my life, for the past year... Now, an important update that happened is I had another kid. Her name is Ellie and she sure is a bundle of joy and energy. I have to say, she's one active child.
Just look at the picture and you'll know what I mean. She's our own little ray of sunshine... but don't tell Sophie I said that hehehe
Just look at the picture and you'll know what I mean. She's our own little ray of sunshine... but don't tell Sophie I said that hehehe
Blog reality!
Wow. I was really surprised to find out that I had opened six blogs, one was somewhat popular probably because it was about food. It made me think, I really am all over the place.
Amazing. Six blogs. Maybe this shows that I really have a problem focusing and committing to things... Hmmm... Hehehe.
Hopefully, my interest in blogging would be rekindled, to save my sanity at the very least and ideally, to improve my writing skills...
Go blogging! :)
Amazing. Six blogs. Maybe this shows that I really have a problem focusing and committing to things... Hmmm... Hehehe.
Hopefully, my interest in blogging would be rekindled, to save my sanity at the very least and ideally, to improve my writing skills...
Go blogging! :)
Pressure
on Friday, October 7, 2011
I was sick for a while. I went to the doctor and he told me that I was stressed too much. He told me to rest and take a break. I laughed silently inside. How am I going to do that doctor? Can I press the PAUSE button and stop all the things I am doing? Hehehehe
Last month I had an extreme case of tonsillitis and had to take a week long rest but after just three weeks it came back again, my throat and tonsils looked like uncooked corned beef. Just imagine. Hehehehe.
Anyway, I had no choice but to continue on as I had work to do at the office, final exams in two weeks and the routine check-up of Sophie and the new baby. People often say they're tired of what they're doing in life, I am at a place right now where I can tell them they should try living my life to know what real stress is all about.
So doctor, how can I truly be stress-free?
Last month I had an extreme case of tonsillitis and had to take a week long rest but after just three weeks it came back again, my throat and tonsils looked like uncooked corned beef. Just imagine. Hehehehe.
Anyway, I had no choice but to continue on as I had work to do at the office, final exams in two weeks and the routine check-up of Sophie and the new baby. People often say they're tired of what they're doing in life, I am at a place right now where I can tell them they should try living my life to know what real stress is all about.
So doctor, how can I truly be stress-free?
Realidad panglipunan
on Monday, October 3, 2011
Mahirap talagang maging mahirap. Ang daming news bits at documentaries tungkol sa pagiging mahirap at isa lang ang masasabi ko mahirap talaga yun.
Pinanuod ko yung music video ni Gloc 9 yung Upuan ang title, ang ganda ng message. Saktong sakto talaga. Wala naman akong masabing may katuturan, napakarami ng mga nangyayari sa paligid pero minsan wala pa din tayong pakialam.
Ganun lang talaga dito sa bansang ito madaling magbulagbulagan at magbingibingihan kahit nasa harap mo na ang problem at humihingi na sa iyo ng solusyon. Minsan kahit ano pang idealismo ang ipakita mo sa huli ay matatalo ka pa din ng realidad ng buhay. Na mas malakas ang hatak ng salapi at mas madaling bumigay sa tukso lalo na kung pera lang ang katapat ng prinsipyo mo.
Ang hirap mamuhay sa lugar na ang basehan ng kagalingan ng isang tao ay ang salapi sa bangko at karangyaan ng buhay. Nakakapagod isipin at gawan ng paraan, iilan na lang ang tunay na nabubuhay para sa prinsipyo.
Pinanuod ko yung music video ni Gloc 9 yung Upuan ang title, ang ganda ng message. Saktong sakto talaga. Wala naman akong masabing may katuturan, napakarami ng mga nangyayari sa paligid pero minsan wala pa din tayong pakialam.
Ganun lang talaga dito sa bansang ito madaling magbulagbulagan at magbingibingihan kahit nasa harap mo na ang problem at humihingi na sa iyo ng solusyon. Minsan kahit ano pang idealismo ang ipakita mo sa huli ay matatalo ka pa din ng realidad ng buhay. Na mas malakas ang hatak ng salapi at mas madaling bumigay sa tukso lalo na kung pera lang ang katapat ng prinsipyo mo.
Ang hirap mamuhay sa lugar na ang basehan ng kagalingan ng isang tao ay ang salapi sa bangko at karangyaan ng buhay. Nakakapagod isipin at gawan ng paraan, iilan na lang ang tunay na nabubuhay para sa prinsipyo.
A new week.
on Sunday, September 18, 2011
Anticipating a new week for me has lost its luster, my life has become so redundant. Everything has been pre-determined and I live a scheduled life. I wake up early to prepare for office and then it ends, after that I go straight to school and wait until classes end.
Sometimes I don't actually feel how it is to live anymore, this stringent schedule has made me numb. I miss the times when I had little to do and a lot to ponder, now my time is eaten up by doing and less on pondering. I feel so disconnected with my life and I hope that one day something happens to re-energize my stagnated existence.
Sometimes I don't actually feel how it is to live anymore, this stringent schedule has made me numb. I miss the times when I had little to do and a lot to ponder, now my time is eaten up by doing and less on pondering. I feel so disconnected with my life and I hope that one day something happens to re-energize my stagnated existence.
Daddy's tired...
Sophie just celebrated her 2nd birthday. A lot of people came and I really did feel the love they had for her. I can't put into words how much I appreciate their support for our little angel.
But the past few days have been extremely challenging for me, I think I am nearing the end of both my patience and tolerance. It has been a difficult two years for me. In that time frame, I have done so much more than I could have ever dreamed of doing when I was younger. I am drained mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. If not for stock trading, my family would probably be begging money of the streets. The financial burden is too much to bear and this prompted me to find new work, but I am having doubts because of the daily needs of my little angel. She has a lot of appointments to address her special needs and I am her driver. It is a challenge to move her around because of her needs and given that it is only my wife who takes primary care of her, mobility is a necessity.The problem I now face is whether or not I should prioritize my career or my little angel, but with my present salary, I am unable to afford even the daily necessities for myself. I still don't know the answer.
As she had just turned two I have been doing some research about her condition and the possibility of achieving her maximum potential. Although I have long accepted the fact that she may never be as normal as other children would become, I still hold on to that hope that she may one day live as a normal child. This has caused substantial frustration on my part because even that hope may never be realized, as her new therapist and Tito has made clear to us, normal is something that special needs children could never become only the best that they could with what they have.
Sometimes I still wonder why this burden has been placed upon my shoulders, I thought at this age I would have a house of my own and my own car. I was saving up for that dream as far back as high school, but when she came, everything changed. I am not blaming my little angel for my unrealized dream, I guess I'm just questioning the reasons why she became what she is. I love her dearly more so than my life and my self.
I am just so tired... fending for my family and neglecting my well-being. I have been sick so many times the past year as the burden of school, work and family life has taken its toll on me. It has aged me a few decades, I believe. I just hope that I find new sources of energy and doing this blog provides a channel for my frustrations. I feel trapped by the circumstances of my life and I wish that one day I will be able to take charge of it, as I used to.
Pray for me. Pray for Sophie.
But the past few days have been extremely challenging for me, I think I am nearing the end of both my patience and tolerance. It has been a difficult two years for me. In that time frame, I have done so much more than I could have ever dreamed of doing when I was younger. I am drained mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. If not for stock trading, my family would probably be begging money of the streets. The financial burden is too much to bear and this prompted me to find new work, but I am having doubts because of the daily needs of my little angel. She has a lot of appointments to address her special needs and I am her driver. It is a challenge to move her around because of her needs and given that it is only my wife who takes primary care of her, mobility is a necessity.The problem I now face is whether or not I should prioritize my career or my little angel, but with my present salary, I am unable to afford even the daily necessities for myself. I still don't know the answer.
As she had just turned two I have been doing some research about her condition and the possibility of achieving her maximum potential. Although I have long accepted the fact that she may never be as normal as other children would become, I still hold on to that hope that she may one day live as a normal child. This has caused substantial frustration on my part because even that hope may never be realized, as her new therapist and Tito has made clear to us, normal is something that special needs children could never become only the best that they could with what they have.
Sometimes I still wonder why this burden has been placed upon my shoulders, I thought at this age I would have a house of my own and my own car. I was saving up for that dream as far back as high school, but when she came, everything changed. I am not blaming my little angel for my unrealized dream, I guess I'm just questioning the reasons why she became what she is. I love her dearly more so than my life and my self.
I am just so tired... fending for my family and neglecting my well-being. I have been sick so many times the past year as the burden of school, work and family life has taken its toll on me. It has aged me a few decades, I believe. I just hope that I find new sources of energy and doing this blog provides a channel for my frustrations. I feel trapped by the circumstances of my life and I wish that one day I will be able to take charge of it, as I used to.
Pray for me. Pray for Sophie.
LIFE: 2 years old
on Monday, August 29, 2011
Malapit na pala. Hindi ko napansin, ang bilis ng oras. Parang kailan lang nung tinitignan kita sa salamin. Akala ko hindi totoo, natatakot ako nun. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko ba, kung magiging mabuting ama ba ako sa iyo. Ngayon, ilang araw na lang at mag-dadalawang taon ka na. Hindi pa din ako sigurado kung tama ba lahat ng desisyon ko pero iisa lang ang alam ko sinubukan ko lahat upang maibigay sa iyo ang lahat ng kailangan mo.
My daughter, Sophia will be celebrating her 2nd birthday on September 12, 2011. She is sick. She has Cerebral Palsy, we found out before her 1st birthday that her brain did not fully developed while inside the womb. I cried. I did not know what to do then and I am still confused to this day.
We had her checked with all the doctors we thought she needed. She had all the necessary medical exams that they told us she must undergo, every time I saw her being injected and sedated I tell myself to control my tears. For a soon to be two year old baby, she had undergone more medical examinations than I ever did in my twenty five years of existence.
Now, we are at a cross road in her life. She must catch up with her development in order to fully realize her potential because some of her medical consultants are unimpressed with her progress. I pray to God that she be healed and be as normal as she can be, but I have accepted that this may never happen as she was born special.
I know in time, God will show me the real reasons for her sickness and I know that by that time I will be able to fully comprehend why my daughter was singled out.
For now, all I can do is wish and hope for her well being and happiness. In God's time everything will be revealed.
My daughter, Sophia will be celebrating her 2nd birthday on September 12, 2011. She is sick. She has Cerebral Palsy, we found out before her 1st birthday that her brain did not fully developed while inside the womb. I cried. I did not know what to do then and I am still confused to this day.
We had her checked with all the doctors we thought she needed. She had all the necessary medical exams that they told us she must undergo, every time I saw her being injected and sedated I tell myself to control my tears. For a soon to be two year old baby, she had undergone more medical examinations than I ever did in my twenty five years of existence.
Now, we are at a cross road in her life. She must catch up with her development in order to fully realize her potential because some of her medical consultants are unimpressed with her progress. I pray to God that she be healed and be as normal as she can be, but I have accepted that this may never happen as she was born special.
I know in time, God will show me the real reasons for her sickness and I know that by that time I will be able to fully comprehend why my daughter was singled out.
For now, all I can do is wish and hope for her well being and happiness. In God's time everything will be revealed.
LIFE: Revelation
on Monday, April 4, 2011
Baby Angel is turning two this September, I can't believe it has been two years since she was born. Two whole years of being a dad. I still don't see myself as a father, though it may sound weird but I always thought that I would be a kid forever.
Maybe I have Peter Pan syndrome.
Looking back, it has been an emotionally taxing year, everything happened so fast yet it seems to have dragged on forever. Reminiscing the day she was born, my wife was taken to the delivery room early in the morning around 5:00am. She was being prepped up for caesarian delivery, my mother-in-law and I waited nervously and excitedly for her. It was about 7:45 and the receptionist told us that we could go inside, she was delivered 7:21.
We went inside the hallway of the delivery room and there she was in an incubator. She was so small, I hardly saw any resemblance all I knew was that she's beautiful. We were only allowed to hold her through a glove like device at the side of the incubator. I felt her skin and touched her. Mama was crying. I felt like my chest was about to burst but I stopped myself from crying. Then they took her away.
Later in the day, we were all so excited to see her as she was displayed in the nursery. I was the first one who saw her, that was the time I cried.
Being a father was something I did not expect. I was afraid of the responsibilities it brought and also I feared that I won't be good at it and mess her up. All I know now is all you can do is try your very best. Even if you're best is not good enough just hope and pray that everything will turn out right.
Maybe I have Peter Pan syndrome.
Looking back, it has been an emotionally taxing year, everything happened so fast yet it seems to have dragged on forever. Reminiscing the day she was born, my wife was taken to the delivery room early in the morning around 5:00am. She was being prepped up for caesarian delivery, my mother-in-law and I waited nervously and excitedly for her. It was about 7:45 and the receptionist told us that we could go inside, she was delivered 7:21.
We went inside the hallway of the delivery room and there she was in an incubator. She was so small, I hardly saw any resemblance all I knew was that she's beautiful. We were only allowed to hold her through a glove like device at the side of the incubator. I felt her skin and touched her. Mama was crying. I felt like my chest was about to burst but I stopped myself from crying. Then they took her away.
Later in the day, we were all so excited to see her as she was displayed in the nursery. I was the first one who saw her, that was the time I cried.
Being a father was something I did not expect. I was afraid of the responsibilities it brought and also I feared that I won't be good at it and mess her up. All I know now is all you can do is try your very best. Even if you're best is not good enough just hope and pray that everything will turn out right.
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