Life seems to be in a constant flat line, moving forward means taking on new things. With everything that is happening around me, new directions could be taken and different perspectives may be considered. This journey that we call life, has always been entrenched in discovering the unknown and defining what could be. In a few weeks' time, a new year beckons and with it new opportunities, I hope that it would usher things that would make me grow as a person.
I am looking forward to these new challenges and I hope that with God's good graces I will move forward with my head held up high.
Of stones and moss...
on Sunday, August 18, 2013
A rolling stone gathers no moss...
Something to ponder on, being young makes you feel like you can do anything and be everywhere... Sometimes you just have to sit still and persist and not change decisions after awhile...
I have always viewed myself as a kindred soul, that's probably why I was never comfortable anywhere but as I grow older I realized that you have to stick to and hold on what you believe in even though things are not perfect.
For now, I am happy where my life is at and have convinced myself to stop searching and wandering.
Something to ponder on, being young makes you feel like you can do anything and be everywhere... Sometimes you just have to sit still and persist and not change decisions after awhile...
I have always viewed myself as a kindred soul, that's probably why I was never comfortable anywhere but as I grow older I realized that you have to stick to and hold on what you believe in even though things are not perfect.
For now, I am happy where my life is at and have convinced myself to stop searching and wandering.
Quiet time.
on Tuesday, July 30, 2013
For the longest time, I have always been looking for something missing in my life; always wanting to change and seek something new. But for some weird reason, I think I have found peace in where I am right now, I have accepted that there are things that cannot be changed, that institutions are never perfect and that people no matter how well intentioned they are will most definitely be less than the expectations you placed on them.
It really is true, if you want to live a happy life lower your expectations. The sooner one accepts this tenet the happier they will be; perhaps it's because I'm getting older or maybe just tired of all the running around and chasing my dreams, that I have finally come to terms with my expectations and realize that living my life should be just about that.
Living life is one heck of a ride, and I think I have found the perfect speed to drive through it :-)
It really is true, if you want to live a happy life lower your expectations. The sooner one accepts this tenet the happier they will be; perhaps it's because I'm getting older or maybe just tired of all the running around and chasing my dreams, that I have finally come to terms with my expectations and realize that living my life should be just about that.
Living life is one heck of a ride, and I think I have found the perfect speed to drive through it :-)
...finally
on Saturday, March 23, 2013
We have been waiting for this for such a long time, it has defined how we have lived since we noticed she was not like everyone else. Going to the doctor's office after about three years of searching for an answer is like signing my daughter's life away to a disease that only a handful of people know. It was a fateful day for my family and for me, I was anxious and nervous but also a bit relieved knowing that we will finally know...
We had to wait since someone came first, looking at the baby before us I thought how could he be afflicted with a genetic disease, so innocent and so young... maybe 10 months old at most. I wondered in my head why there were imperfect angels and what was the reason God gave them and their families a special burden, a cross they have to carry all their lives.
I was jittery, I lingered and walked around until it was our turn. I knew in my heart that Sophie had Cockayne Syndrome; it was a gut feel that I had felt the moment our good geneticist told us that it was the suspect diagnosis. But now the confirmatory test is here, and it gave me the same answer I have always known in my heart... Deep inside I was crying, praying and yearning for God to give my daughter the life she deserved but alas, I knew that things would be different and that she herself although beautiful in our eyes will never be like any other child.
The geneticist was telling us every sign of the CS Type I, which my little angel belonged to. Small frame, curved back, difficulty in digestion, small head, hearing loss, total or partial blindness, mental handicap and photosensitivity. She was as kind and as compassionate as any doctor could be, we just kept silent but with questions popping here and there, of which she more than happily replied to.
I knew from that moment, and the fear that I have always had in my heart. My daughter would only live up to 20 years of age, at most. They are telling me that only God can tell but I knew that one day I had to let her go and I was dying inside knowing that my first born, my lovely angel would leave God's good earth before me... I felt numb and I started crying inside... But of course, I had to stay strong for my wife, for my mom and especially for my little Sophie.
The most painful part of it was, she was just staring at me blankly with all her innocence perhaps asking what is the matter or what will happen to her. I have always known that although she may not be as mentally or emotionally developed as children her age, she was bright and inquisitive, which makes it even more painful since I feel like she is trapped inside her own body but yearning to be set free...
We left the office, expressed our gratitude and said our goodbyes to our kind and compassionate doctor. On our way home, we talked about the prospects of her life but we knew that our little angel will pull through and we promised in our hearts and in those moments of silence that we will love her no less.
I was a young dad when she came and then I had to grow up as fast as I could so that I could provide stability in our household but I never expected that she, of all people, would be the one who will carry the heaviest cross... I just hope and pray that God will give all of us the strength to go through and make the most of our love and time with our dear little angel.
But my heart remains broken.
We had to wait since someone came first, looking at the baby before us I thought how could he be afflicted with a genetic disease, so innocent and so young... maybe 10 months old at most. I wondered in my head why there were imperfect angels and what was the reason God gave them and their families a special burden, a cross they have to carry all their lives.
I was jittery, I lingered and walked around until it was our turn. I knew in my heart that Sophie had Cockayne Syndrome; it was a gut feel that I had felt the moment our good geneticist told us that it was the suspect diagnosis. But now the confirmatory test is here, and it gave me the same answer I have always known in my heart... Deep inside I was crying, praying and yearning for God to give my daughter the life she deserved but alas, I knew that things would be different and that she herself although beautiful in our eyes will never be like any other child.
The geneticist was telling us every sign of the CS Type I, which my little angel belonged to. Small frame, curved back, difficulty in digestion, small head, hearing loss, total or partial blindness, mental handicap and photosensitivity. She was as kind and as compassionate as any doctor could be, we just kept silent but with questions popping here and there, of which she more than happily replied to.
I knew from that moment, and the fear that I have always had in my heart. My daughter would only live up to 20 years of age, at most. They are telling me that only God can tell but I knew that one day I had to let her go and I was dying inside knowing that my first born, my lovely angel would leave God's good earth before me... I felt numb and I started crying inside... But of course, I had to stay strong for my wife, for my mom and especially for my little Sophie.
The most painful part of it was, she was just staring at me blankly with all her innocence perhaps asking what is the matter or what will happen to her. I have always known that although she may not be as mentally or emotionally developed as children her age, she was bright and inquisitive, which makes it even more painful since I feel like she is trapped inside her own body but yearning to be set free...
We left the office, expressed our gratitude and said our goodbyes to our kind and compassionate doctor. On our way home, we talked about the prospects of her life but we knew that our little angel will pull through and we promised in our hearts and in those moments of silence that we will love her no less.
I was a young dad when she came and then I had to grow up as fast as I could so that I could provide stability in our household but I never expected that she, of all people, would be the one who will carry the heaviest cross... I just hope and pray that God will give all of us the strength to go through and make the most of our love and time with our dear little angel.
But my heart remains broken.
Crossroads
on Thursday, March 7, 2013
It's really hard to face life sometimes, looking at things and with recent disappointments gives you a certain feeling of loneliness and helplessness. At times I just look at the horizon without much thought or energy to pull through the day... just mindless and blank stares. I don't know what happened but at this point in my life, I may be facing a real challenge; finding the right path I want to tread is far more difficult now than ever.
I want to enrich myself, learn a language, learn a new skill, go places or at least rekindle my inquisitive desire to new knowledge and yet at this crossroads I know face, I seem to have lost my will and my motivations to persist.
The stress and chaos that surrounds my life seems to have taken its toll on me, I feel like I'm living my life for the sake of going through the routine without leaving a mark.
For now, all I can do is hope that I once again find that zeal and passion that fueled my existence in years past...
I want to enrich myself, learn a language, learn a new skill, go places or at least rekindle my inquisitive desire to new knowledge and yet at this crossroads I know face, I seem to have lost my will and my motivations to persist.
The stress and chaos that surrounds my life seems to have taken its toll on me, I feel like I'm living my life for the sake of going through the routine without leaving a mark.
For now, all I can do is hope that I once again find that zeal and passion that fueled my existence in years past...
When the kids are away...
on Thursday, February 28, 2013
...dada misses them
For some weird reason having the kids away is extremely lonesome. At first, I kinda enjoyed the silence and the tranquility of our room but I still miss them. Wife is now getting busy with the preparations of Ellie's first birthday because it's just a few months away. Time surely flies.
I will visit them over the weekend, by the way. Looking forward to it but not the bus ride. I think it's pretty tiring to travel for 3 hours or more on the bus; even after years of doing it in college I still am not that used to it... But sacrifices need to be made so I have no choice, our car is not yet cleared for such a long drive and I don't want to take a gamble.
I will see the kiddies soon [^_^]
For some weird reason having the kids away is extremely lonesome. At first, I kinda enjoyed the silence and the tranquility of our room but I still miss them. Wife is now getting busy with the preparations of Ellie's first birthday because it's just a few months away. Time surely flies.
I will visit them over the weekend, by the way. Looking forward to it but not the bus ride. I think it's pretty tiring to travel for 3 hours or more on the bus; even after years of doing it in college I still am not that used to it... But sacrifices need to be made so I have no choice, our car is not yet cleared for such a long drive and I don't want to take a gamble.
I will see the kiddies soon [^_^]
Fun day.
on Wednesday, February 13, 2013
On my normal everyday routine, I was waiting outside a court room and suddenly three men and a lady came out of the court. Suddenly, one guy punched the other and it was a fist fight.
Really funny and so random but I was really surprised, I almost ran back to the staff room. But my curiosity stopped me from doing so, they then continued punching each other until someone came out and stopped them. Funny. So Random. Hehehe.
Really funny and so random but I was really surprised, I almost ran back to the staff room. But my curiosity stopped me from doing so, they then continued punching each other until someone came out and stopped them. Funny. So Random. Hehehe.
How time flies...
on Thursday, February 7, 2013
I still can't believe that at 27 I already have two kids, time sure flies fast. I still remember when little Sophie was born and now, in a few months time, she will turn four years old. It has been one heck of a ride, but it made our love stronger than ever.
She was a blessing that created this unbreakable bond between me and my wife but also affected both our families, it was a miracle to say the least and even if she has this particular condition; it did not stop us from loving her no less.
I love you Sophie.
She was a blessing that created this unbreakable bond between me and my wife but also affected both our families, it was a miracle to say the least and even if she has this particular condition; it did not stop us from loving her no less.
I love you Sophie.
Virus pool.
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Everyone's sick at home, my sister has hand, foot and mouth disease and Sophie has sore eyes. I feel like I'm going down with the flu... *sigh* only Ellie and the Mrs are virus free, so far... hopefully it will remain that way...
Sophie is also showing signs of HFMD, it's highly contagious so, expect that either me or mrs would be infected since we're the ones taking care of her... I pray that this will all go away soon...
Sophie is also showing signs of HFMD, it's highly contagious so, expect that either me or mrs would be infected since we're the ones taking care of her... I pray that this will all go away soon...
Weekend!
on Friday, February 1, 2013
Finally the week is over. It was one tiring week, looking forward to free time with my kids and family. Nothing beats Saturday lunch, perfect timing to bond with my children; it seems like time flies really fast and I only wish that I can spend more time with them.
Weekends also mean time to go out with my wife and discover places to eat or to wander around, it's really relaxing for me as I can see other scenery, much different from what I am used to at work. I think I'll try to go out of Manila this weekend, Laguna or Bulacan would be good or even Rizal, which is quite near. Will start to google soon for places to visit and see.
Weekends also mean time to go out with my wife and discover places to eat or to wander around, it's really relaxing for me as I can see other scenery, much different from what I am used to at work. I think I'll try to go out of Manila this weekend, Laguna or Bulacan would be good or even Rizal, which is quite near. Will start to google soon for places to visit and see.
Changes?
on Thursday, January 31, 2013
As one of my innate character traits, I have once again come to a point where I am not sure whether I will continue on with the organization I am working for. I think I have a defined expiry date of one year, but I was thinking... when will I ever be content with what I have? I think I really need to think things through especially now that the office where I work provides a certain level of stability. Maybe I should convince myself to learn to like my job.
At the same time, I think that I still have time to search for whatever it is I want in life since I am still relatively young; perhaps its time for me to go back to school... who knows? I don't.
Anyway, this is just one of those random things that came through my consciousness while I toil away at the office hehehe :-)
At the same time, I think that I still have time to search for whatever it is I want in life since I am still relatively young; perhaps its time for me to go back to school... who knows? I don't.
Anyway, this is just one of those random things that came through my consciousness while I toil away at the office hehehe :-)
Introducing... Little Miss Sunshine
on Wednesday, January 30, 2013
So, I haven't updated this supposedly online journal of my life, for the past year... Now, an important update that happened is I had another kid. Her name is Ellie and she sure is a bundle of joy and energy. I have to say, she's one active child.
Just look at the picture and you'll know what I mean. She's our own little ray of sunshine... but don't tell Sophie I said that hehehe
Just look at the picture and you'll know what I mean. She's our own little ray of sunshine... but don't tell Sophie I said that hehehe
Blog reality!
Wow. I was really surprised to find out that I had opened six blogs, one was somewhat popular probably because it was about food. It made me think, I really am all over the place.
Amazing. Six blogs. Maybe this shows that I really have a problem focusing and committing to things... Hmmm... Hehehe.
Hopefully, my interest in blogging would be rekindled, to save my sanity at the very least and ideally, to improve my writing skills...
Go blogging! :)
Amazing. Six blogs. Maybe this shows that I really have a problem focusing and committing to things... Hmmm... Hehehe.
Hopefully, my interest in blogging would be rekindled, to save my sanity at the very least and ideally, to improve my writing skills...
Go blogging! :)
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